RANT!

Have gradually realised the whole area of fertility treatment for a mixed sex couple, and the attitudes many hold towards it, is totally and utterly gender biased.

This first became apparent during the initial tests. I was always treated with concern and care but Jon got no bedside manner or consideration at all when going to do his sperm test.

When we got onto the database of IVF Wales, we were automatically registered under my name. Never mind the fact that the reason we weren't conceiving was almost certainly to do with the sperm (not mine) and later proved to be so. Ever since the beginning, if Jon rings up, he has to give them my details in order to be able to talk to anyone. It's only because we consciously try to share the communications that he still bothers to make the calls at all - it would be far easier if I did it all.

It drives me mad when people assume our situation is more difficult for me than for Jon because I'm the woman. Hello. A couple parents together. And is infertile together. To be honest, if one of us is more likely to decide this whole ICSI thing is too much of a palaver and we should just do life without kids, it would be me. And if one of us is more likely to feel that a child would bring life more meaning and purpose, it's Jon.

Our society is set up in a way that encourages women to be mothers and stay home and men to be workers and not bother too much about family. I hate it! Shared parental leave - bring it on! Ease to earn fair wages and get promotions when working part time - bring it on!

If one more person gives me a pitying look while Jon is sharing something about our fertility situation with them, I will scream.

And incidentally, I also think it's unfair that women talk so much about being the ones who have to go through labour and men not knowing a thing about it. Obviously there is a biological difference. But I bet lots of men (Jon among them) would very happily take on the child bearing hassle and pain if they could. They don't have the choice.

The more we can view the whole area of deciding to have children, having them, not having them, and looking after them as a joint effort, the better the world will be.

Ok?

A little update

We've decided to chase IVF Wales once or month or so, as we're now within the period when they said we could expect treatment. Jon phoned them this week for the January effort.

As things stand, they say the waiting time is likely to be the full 18 months. That means we're looking at May to start treatment. The added delight was the news the fertility centre is being contracted out, or something, so the service provider will change around April. And at the point of handover, waiting lists etc may all change. Private contractors as opposed to NHS? Or what?

Clearly this is joyous. I will probably phone them back to find out a bit more. It's unclear whether it's the administration that's being contracted out, the medical team or the whole shebang. Hopefully, the potential for disruption and even longer waiting times is a worst-case scenario, just-in-case warning. Or the changes are something we can blame David Cameron for because I enjoy that.

I don't see how a change of service provider can justify them shifting people who have been in the system for over a year onto a new playing field. But the administrative policies are so opaque, you can never be sure..... Ho hum.

There is a bit more info here